Desperation

I was ashamed

When I let someone respectable

See this negative aspect of me

Craving validation

Rushing to get everything done

Being hasty

I showed the ugly face

Of perfectionism

Of deep insecurity

Of desperation beyond measure

When they scolded

Lightly

I was in a sea of

Humiliation

I didn’t ever act like that

At home or in front of my parents

My rush made from

The craving of acceptance

And of a recommendation I felt I needed

I cringe as I recall this moment

I cringe as I recall composing myself

Giving myself time to breathe deeply

Relieving the sting of words

And the sting as I realized my actions

Were less than professional

I am better than that

Ugly face

I am better than that

How will I continue to

Improve my wellbeing

To respond

To showcase the best of me?

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Press Reset

When things go wrong

When all’s said and done

If it doesn’t work out

How you want

Do I have your permission

To press reset

On my life

Can I finally pursue

What I wanted to do all along

Without you having to tell me no?

Can I be free

To make my own decisions

And figure out

Who I am

Do I have your permission

To seek out

The road less traveled

No matter how much you’re scared

Of me failing

And the struggle i may face

My life is mine to live

My own regrets

Can I have this self-expression?

So can I press reset

When all’s said and done

Before it’s too late

And I force myself

Into a mold

Not of my own making

Crushing me under its weight

Late Night Self-Reflection 

My thoughts are at it again 

Like a broken record 

They remind me of encounters past 

I look at myself in a mirror 

Going through the motions

Of all the encounters 

The mistakes I made 

The regrets I had 

Won’t wash away so easily

They engrave into the back of my brain 

Coming to haunt me like ghosts 

in the dead of the night 

I feel like I have 

Too many sins to wash away 

But they aren’t even evil doings 

It’s just my mind 

Playing tricks on me 

Deceiving me 

Doubting my actions 

The words I spoke 

And the decisions I made 

Why can’t I let it all go? 

Why does my past still continue to consume me 

And confine me?

And why do I even bother

Looking back 

so deeply 

Into that cracked mirror 

And not see the person 

That stares back in the reflection?