Desperation

I was ashamed

When I let someone respectable

See this negative aspect of me

Craving validation

Rushing to get everything done

Being hasty

I showed the ugly face

Of perfectionism

Of deep insecurity

Of desperation beyond measure

When they scolded

Lightly

I was in a sea of

Humiliation

I didn’t ever act like that

At home or in front of my parents

My rush made from

The craving of acceptance

And of a recommendation I felt I needed

I cringe as I recall this moment

I cringe as I recall composing myself

Giving myself time to breathe deeply

Relieving the sting of words

And the sting as I realized my actions

Were less than professional

I am better than that

Ugly face

I am better than that

How will I continue to

Improve my wellbeing

To respond

To showcase the best of me?

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Press Reset

When things go wrong

When all’s said and done

If it doesn’t work out

How you want

Do I have your permission

To press reset

On my life

Can I finally pursue

What I wanted to do all along

Without you having to tell me no?

Can I be free

To make my own decisions

And figure out

Who I am

Do I have your permission

To seek out

The road less traveled

No matter how much you’re scared

Of me failing

And the struggle i may face

My life is mine to live

My own regrets

Can I have this self-expression?

So can I press reset

When all’s said and done

Before it’s too late

And I force myself

Into a mold

Not of my own making

Crushing me under its weight

Blessings and Lessons

To be faraway

From the land that

My mother and my father know,

As if it were the back of their hand

Is a bittersweet reminder

Of all the sacrifices

We have made.

To be faraway

From the cousins, aunts, and uncles

That have created their homes

Is a bitter reminder

That our struggles will never be the same.

To be faraway

From a country where patriarchal views

Dominate

And education while present

Is lacking quality

Is a sweet reminder

Of what I have gained.

To be faraway

From the land where

Our religion is prominent,

And the language is spoken

As if the wind and the air carried it

Is a bittersweet reminder

Of all that could be lost.

A sea so vast and treacherous separates us,

We sail away from our country

To be faraway from the land

Known as a terrorist hub.

Misguided opinions and misinformation

Aplenty by the media,

I swallow a bitter pill and

Become cautious and careful

Of where I come from.

I must not show pride.

I must not show care.

For I don’t belong there

Any longer.

To be faraway

From the place where

Traditions and customs are so ingrained

That breaking the mold is not an option

Is a bittersweet reminder

That all freedom comes with sacrifice.

As I sit still,

In the land of the free

And the home of the brave,

I wonder if

We even deserve these names?

For I have family,

I have loved ones

In a land faraway.

I hope to God

They are safe and sound

As we throw threats and assumptions,

Destroying the home

And destroying the lives of plenty.

For who am I

Without the knowledge

That I come from

Faraway?

Pakistan

Peaceful nights are 
Awaiting ahead
My momma tells Me 
the whistle man
Is nowhere close by
To take my slumber 
I fall asleep to humid fans
The smell of dust 
And of clothing coming out 
Of suitcases after long days
Not sure when
Wretched heat will take over
I sleep close to a withering body
And a youngster 
Trying to find that thread 
Between reality and peace 
Slowly sinking 
The smell of cooked Bryani 
Hovering over my brown skin 
My belly full
Humid air circulating 
Across the wide bed 
With Limbs splayed 
Here is the hearth 
Where I was born 
Here is the language of 
My ancestors 
Here is the land 
We have drawn blood and arms for
To cleave ourselves from 
The motherland 
To claim a home 
For the downtrodden 
A crescent moon shines in the sky 
The stars hidden still 
By smog and pollution
I know they shine upon 
This green land 
This prideful country 
Still I stay 
In the midst of sleep and wake 
It’s a land far from imagination 
If I just open an old suitcase
I’m once again 
In the place I could’ve been 
Yet I’m farther away now 
Than I’ve ever been 
A blessing 
And a lesson 

This is how I understand 

I was walking down the street 

Minding my own business

When I noticed the car

Passing by was moving 

Way too slowly

Men in the front seat

Ogled my body 

Honking their horn

And making me wonder

Why 

I was wearing jeans 

And a t shirt

I wasn’t even showing off anything 

This is how I 

Start shaming myself

For no good reason 

This is how I

Become more wary 

Towards the intentions of men 

This is how I 

Realize the world 

Is very broken 

On Bullying

I abhor violence 

I will never 

Intentionally harm 

Another human being 

Because words hurt 

And actions whilst 

Powerful 

Can destroy others 

Inside and out 

I will always 

Apologize when 

I unintentionally 

Cause harm to another 

For I wish to 

Not be judged nor assumed about

In return 

If I don’t speak an

Apology 

However,

You should seriously 

Consider 

The actions 

And the words

You have spoken 

We all 

Have a part 

To heal each other 

And ourselves 

Being Present 

I am here.

I have compassion for myself.

I let myself learn.

I let myself spend my time.

I let myself live.

Let me do this again.

Let me give up the control

I seek and that I perceive

And let me free.

I wish to live

Not on wasted time or money

But live based off

The generosity I gave

Myself

To be genuine

To others

And unshackle myself

From pain and misery

That I burden

My heart with

For no good

Are all these worries