Losses

In my own thoughts 
And my own musings 

That have no timing or grace

I could have better things 

To worry about 

And to think about 

But my brain seems to latch 

On to the most negative of things 

Why must I sabotage myself 

And ruin my own chances of happiness 

I wish I could think of better 

More happy moments 

But I fear that once innocent mind 

Is no where 

To be found 

Reminder 

I have to tell myself that 

I love myself

And that means all parts of myself

That means I don’t say that my crying is ugly 

That I say that I hate my hair

That I want to cut my hair 

That I can’t stand how heavy I feel 

That when looks in the mirror and frowns and hopes and wishes 

that the love that I perceive

when I see my reflection is real

That I wish to sleep eternally

That I think that I can’t make anything of myself

That I think that I will never be smart enough 

That I will never have true friends 

That I will always be the outsider 

To kill or maim any part of me

Is like destroying the whole 

For who am I 

Besides the sum of my –broken— parts

Who am I without my scars 

I am just a plain canvas with no story to tell 

No.

I am me 

With all of my hurt and weight 

And thoughts hounding me 

I am me

A work in progress 

finding myself 

learning  about myself 

A person who hopes to aspire to be better 
Every day 

And 

Everyday 

I am 

Me.