Killing Monsters 

You’re a noise in my head

I can’t forget 

I toss and turn 

While I’m supposed to be asleep 

You create the monster 

That doesn’t know anything 

You create a mess

That leaves me depressed

Nothing can tie you down 

And I wish I could 

So I could rip you to pieces 

You’re the noise in my head 

Leaving me depressed 

Causing me to think twice 

You create the monster 

That makes the nightmares 

I wish I could hunt you down 

To see you get killed 

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Life and Death 

I have been close enough 

To death 

To feel it infiltrate my thoughts 

On more than one occasion

I have felt the fear of losing 

And letting go 

And sinking into eternal slumber 

Yet Death is so charismatic 

And whilst terrifying 

Presents a lusty thought 

Of escape 

And the part of me

Anchored to reality 

Anchored to my life 

And my family 

Drops me to my knees 

Not in surrender 

But pleading for mercy 

I believe that only One 

Who has borne you and created you 

From mud and clay 

Can return you to a grave 

When it is your time 

And it is one of the many reasons 

I am still here 

Today 

Silent Issues 

And I wish often 

That I could pull my own hair out 

By the frustration that is inside me 

You talk small, frivolous thoughts 

And you sit mindlessly side by side 

There is comfort, yes, 

In knowing you will have the same routine 

It’s driving me crazy 

Your love 

Makes me want to push you away 

Because you don’t see the pain 

I bring inside me everyday 

And you have such high regard for me 

Yet I believe you secretly wish 

I hadn’t made so many mistakes 

You wish me to be perfect 

You wish for me to have no flaws 

I see your desire 

Hidden inside your smiles 

And you wish me well 

And you worry a lot 

You say you’ll pray for me 

As if that will fix 

All the problems I’ve got 

And I have this 

Bittersweet pain

Inside my chest 

For I wish to revel you 

With the blackness inside my heart 

Boy Who Cried Wolf 

And I see myself in 

The boy who cried wolf 

As soon as I open my mouth 

Trying to explain the 

Madness of my thoughts 

People assume that I can’t be fixed 

People assume that it is just

My pessimism, my insecurity, my doubt 

Let me ask you then:

Where did those thoughts stem from? 

Where could I have fantasized 

Living in my own hell? 

I have problems.

We all do.

And then I’m ostracized by people 

They tell me:

The world does not revolve around you

Yes, I agree.

But can’t you see? 

The world doesn’t revolve around you 

Either.

I wish so hard to believe 

That my troubles could be cured 

By money and a shrink 

But if you can’t even let me admit 

Something is wrong 

Then how will I ever heal? 

You let me live in denial 

And suffocate in my emptiness 

Believing everything will be alright 

Like magic 

With faith and positivity 

Can’t you see? 

I’ve already lost myself

Trying to search for those concepts

Let me revel in my 

Woes 

And let me sink into 

The dark side of me 

I promise I’m not thinking like this 

To harm you

Instead I’m just trying to salvage 

Parts of me that feel enough pain 

For those are the parts that live 

Suffocating 

I can’t breathe 

I suffocate in my 

Own doubts 

I suffocate in my 

Negativity 

I let myself drown 

Instead of treading water 

Instead of a life raft 

I see arms 

Aching to pull me out 

Yet I feel nothing 

Emptiness greets me on the other side 

Not even the faces of my loved ones 

Can save me now 

I am lost 

Without hope 

For myself 

And for my future 

What is there to do 

But let the depths 

Comfort me 

As I sink deeper 

Depression

Heaviness sits deeply in my bones

every movement lethargic and slow

like I’m twice my age

tastes become bland

my appetite flys away

for more than a temporary leave

I stay awake in the dark

tears flowing due to frustration

eyes cracked open

bed sheets rumpled

beyond ruin

limbs splayed

as I try to find comfort

the past that I thought I left behind

Returns with thoughts

that race to the speed of light

a throbbing begins from my temple

And my body aches with tension

can I succumb soon?

just let go into the black night

just sink into rough waters

and let go of the chance of seeing sunlight?

Yet, There are too many reasons to stay

consequential choices

and I must survive another

harrowing hour

Just hoping

that this

Vicious cycle doesn’t begin

again

night after night

Can’t I succumb soon?