This is how I understand 

I was walking down the street 

Minding my own business

When I noticed the car

Passing by was moving 

Way too slowly

Men in the front seat

Ogled my body 

Honking their horn

And making me wonder

Why 

I was wearing jeans 

And a t shirt

I wasn’t even showing off anything 

This is how I 

Start shaming myself

For no good reason 

This is how I

Become more wary 

Towards the intentions of men 

This is how I 

Realize the world 

Is very broken 

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I abhor violence 

I will never 

Intentionally harm 

Another human being 

Because words hurt 

And actions whilst 

Powerful 

Can destroy others 

Inside and out 

I will always 

Apologize when 

I unintentionally 

Cause harm to another 

For I wish to 

Not be judged nor assumed about

In return 

If I don’t speak an

Apology 

However,

You should seriously 

Consider 

The actions 

And the words

You have spoken 

We all 

Have a part 

To heal each other 

And ourselves 

Life and Death 

I have been close enough 

To death 

To feel it infiltrate my thoughts 

On more than one occasion

I have felt the fear of losing 

And letting go 

And sinking into eternal slumber 

Yet Death is so charismatic 

And whilst terrifying 

Presents a lusty thought 

Of escape 

And the part of me

Anchored to reality 

Anchored to my life 

And my family 

Drops me to my knees 

Not in surrender 

But pleading for mercy 

I believe that only One 

Who has borne you and created you 

From mud and clay 

Can return you to a grave 

When it is your time 

And it is one of the many reasons 

I am still here 

Today 

Self-Recrimination

I did tasks for you 

That weren’t a part of my job description 

I washed your dirty dishes 

And related your messages 

Once I also gave you water like a waiter

Takes orders from his customers 

Then I was shocked later to realize

That I had let myself become your servant 

Who am I kidding? 

There was no emotional manipulation 

From you and your charming ways 

I did it all with my free will 

And that’s how 

I created my own insanity 

In the midst of your company 

I lost my true identity 

I conformed to some unnamed ideals 

And bowed easily 

I can’t cry and scream

Because I still let myself be 

All the things I hoped not to be

Why did I lose myself 

So easily? 
Did I ever know myself at all?

My free will 

Tells it’s own story 

I’m a people pleaser 

Too emotionally attached 

Too easily 

I thought of everyone as my family 

Without considering any boundaries 

Despite the fact we were all strangers 

I wanted others not by blood around me 

So I compromised and let myself have this

 community like it was a special commodity

But, I actually thought it was 

I had myself had 

Because there were problems aplenty 

Miscommunication and mistrust 

Bandwagons of people who 

Left others in the dust

Riding off in the hope of a sunrise

That I’m not too sure will ever come 

In the midst of all the dust 

I’m left standing wondering 

Did I ever know myself at all?