Perceptions

Can you hear my voice

When you read these words?

Can you step into my shoes

And follow my journey?

If you could walk a mile in my eyes

Tell me would you like what you see?

Our perceptions shape who we could be

I want every step to count

Every word

Every look

Every breath

I take into account

My life is my own

I am blessed to be upon this wretched earth

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Self-destruction

Often times I say words I don’t mean

I tell myself that I am dumb

That I am incapable of loving

I’m too naive and people walk over me

I know that these thoughts stem

From my subconscious that wishes

For me to hit destroy

To constantly

Doubt myself

To develop mistrust in all my deeds

Why does this happen

Why do I take myself too seriously?

How can it all just stop

I want to be a normal human being too

Often times this voice overpowers

The gentle positivity I have within me

Why can’t I be stronger

I want to be happy

Wrong?

Is it wrong to wonder

What the relief could feel like

Being five feet under

The pressure of the world takes me there

I wonder if I should just make it easier

Often time I am reminded

That we have to struggle to get somewhere

First world problems aplenty

No solution in sight

I’m not made for this plight

Sometimes

It all gets overwhelming

When I feel my heart start beating fast

That little turmoil in my stomach

An unease sets into my soul

My head feels heavy with racing thoughts

Can’t pinpoint what’s wrong

I’ve faced all these demons

Yet I succumb sometimes

I tilt sideways

My perception faces inward

Trying to mend broken fragments

Not often enough to be a diagnosis

I feel trapped

Sometimes I think

This is not the worse

It could be worse

Weird 

Isn’t it weird that

People coddle, protect and nurture young girls

But as a society we fear and loathe feminity?

that we make our boys rough and hard providing them less love and soft hearts

But as a society we condone accept masculinity and rigidity as powerful?

Sometimes it feels like the world is out to get me 

To make me lose my mind 

But I have to remember 

They can’t defeat me 

Actions speak louder than words 

If I’m minding my own business mind yours

If I’m trying to figure myself out 

Don’t parade yourself in front of me 

You’re fake and made me out to be the fool 

I’m no longer fooled 

I wish there was a filter to extract people like you 

But alas I have to deal with your perceived loyalty and genuineness 

Let’s be honest here 

You don’t give a shit 

So please forgive me and let it go 

I’ve forgiven you too 

I don’t want your baggage on my mind space 

I certainly believe you don’t want mine on yours

So let’s move forwards 

Ships passing through the night silently 

Don’t throw your canons at me 

I just sit here peacefully 

For Charlottesville 

I am a Muslim American 

I stand in solidarity with you 

The lives that were lost  

I’ve prayed for them 

I am a human 

Admits your tears 

I am compassion 

Amidst your fears 

I am understanding 

Amidst your pain 

I see you 

I hear you 

“Many desi Americans and Muslim Americans can be apathetic towards concerns of racism and the white nationalism that is present in our world. 

This is wrong. We too have a rich history in fighting to be heard, to be understood, to be embraced as equals. We cannot ignore the fight that our sisters and brothers of black and brown skin endure! We have faced and still face xenophobia and discrimination, we must stand and protect each other! We must realize that the struggles we face are similar, we are similarly oppressed, we similarly grieve our losses. 

Charlottesville is a moment for all non-white nationalists to remember. The hatred and violence can occur in anyone’s state, anyone’s university, and in anyone’s life. 
I am desi Muslim American. I must also care about what others face in the world. For it’s not just me living in the universe, it’s not just my struggles, it’s not just my community struggles. I am more than myself in choosing to recognize and choosing to voice my thoughts. I contribute. I stand. I hope you do too.