Accent 

Without the timbre

And cadence of my native language,

I feel lost

In a sea of people who

wish to conform to superficial ideals.

I wish to speak in a tongue

That brings me closer

To the ones that I love,

To the land I was born in.

I wish to express the joy

In sharing stories and

Sharing woes

For language unites us all.

I feel expressively distant

From the culture and the roots

That helped me grow.

I feel tethered to the land I’m in,

Only because I speak the same tongue.

I wish I could express

My diversity,

My compassion for my identity

In a cadence

In a timbre

That is all my own.

Hidden in the recesses of my parent’s pasts

And their struggles moving to a new land,

This compassion,

This identity I seek is

Derived from my mother tongue

Left behind on this new land

Which is not truly my home.

For I have lost

Understanding of my family.

My cousins and my grandmother

Live at a distance,

And we only have faces

To remind us of our ancestry.

I wish I could speak

My native language!

I wish I had the accent

Of a girl who has just arrived

From the place she would have stayed

When born,

But left, because opportunity

Seemed more inviting.

I never knew

How much sacrifice

And compromise this change

Would make

To my identity.

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Blessings and Lessons

To be faraway

From the land that

My mother and my father know,

As if it were the back of their hand

Is a bittersweet reminder

Of all the sacrifices

We have made.

To be faraway

From the cousins, aunts, and uncles

That have created their homes

Is a bitter reminder

That our struggles will never be the same.

To be faraway

From a country where patriarchal views

Dominate

And education while present

Is lacking quality

Is a sweet reminder

Of what I have gained.

To be faraway

From the land where

Our religion is prominent,

And the language is spoken

As if the wind and the air carried it

Is a bittersweet reminder

Of all that could be lost.

A sea so vast and treacherous separates us,

We sail away from our country

To be faraway from the land

Known as a terrorist hub.

Misguided opinions and misinformation

Aplenty by the media,

I swallow a bitter pill and

Become cautious and careful

Of where I come from.

I must not show pride.

I must not show care.

For I don’t belong there

Any longer.

To be faraway

From the place where

Traditions and customs are so ingrained

That breaking the mold is not an option

Is a bittersweet reminder

That all freedom comes with sacrifice.

As I sit still,

In the land of the free

And the home of the brave,

I wonder if

We even deserve these names?

For I have family,

I have loved ones

In a land faraway.

I hope to God

They are safe and sound

As we throw threats and assumptions,

Destroying the home

And destroying the lives of plenty.

For who am I

Without the knowledge

That I come from

Faraway?

A country love story

Thank god for the very first times

We locked lips and giggled to our hearts content

For those moments while holding your hand

I felt invincible

For those moments where I looked into your eyes

And we talked till sunrise

The days we laughed and the days we cried

Thank god for these times

Thank god for first loves

I wouldn’t know what heartbreak was without you

I wouldn’t know the feel of missing you

Yea thank god for that too

I didn’t think I’d get over

Knowing you

Thank god for first loves

Without them we wouldn’t know real love

Thank god thank god

I still reminisce on our very first days

I hope to god that you’re doing okay

It’s time for our goodbye

And I’m sure I’ll miss the time that’s gone by

But thank god thank god

I got a chance to love you

Even though we’ll never make it to I do

I do miss you

I do care about you

I wish all the very best

So Thank god for first times

And Thank god for first loves

We’re both gonna move on now

I’m sure we think happy thoughts

There ain’t nothing better

Than the memory

Of our love

Growth and Grace

I am so grateful today

I feel alive

I feel confident

The past that I thought was holding me back

Is now propelling me forwards

The people I’ve met the decisions I’ve made

Now don’t seem to hurt

And instead illuminate a greater purpose

I am healing internally

While I may still be judgmental and struggling with inner compassion, I am feeling happy with myself and my identity

I feel as though the setbacks I’ve had in my life have actually illuminated my purpose

I feel as though the criticisms that people had of me and my decisions have actually motivated me and changed me to work towards a potential that I was unaware I could even reach

This institution that I hated I feel love to it and these hoops I’ve had to jump through has shown me my potential for resiliency

I am grateful for this life and this inner love

I wish to continue to work and learn by progressing each day I reach my fullest potential

By not focusing on the grade and by not focusing on the negativity I have freed myself

I am not held back by past learning deficiencies and past attitudes

I am a learning and growing individual

Any longer

We don’t share the same passion anymore

We’re just friends

Who interlock hands

Who share spaces

And eat breakfast at the same table

Let’s move on now

We don’t do it for each other any longer

We are not a couple

Any longer

We don’t share intimate behaviors

Like we used to

There’s a frequency

That doesn’t make my heart race

I blink and the moments are gone

There’s no lingering

Excitement or nostalgia for lost moments

We’re not partners

Any longer

There’s a dry quality to our air

When I look in your eyes

I question what’s there

Why do we linger with no hope for survival

We are not romantic

Any longer

I look towards others and

See better options

I dream for fire fueled moments

I am miles away with you in my arms

Do you feel the same?

I see it as clear as day

Let’s be friends

We’re not the same people

Who began a relationship

Any longer

Perceptions

Can you hear my voice

When you read these words?

Can you step into my shoes

And follow my journey?

If you could walk a mile in my eyes

Tell me would you like what you see?

Our perceptions shape who we could be

I want every step to count

Every word

Every look

Every breath

I take into account

My life is my own

I am blessed to be upon this wretched earth

Self-destruction

Often times I say words I don’t mean

I tell myself that I am dumb

That I am incapable of loving

I’m too naive and people walk over me

I know that these thoughts stem

From my subconscious that wishes

For me to hit destroy

To constantly

Doubt myself

To develop mistrust in all my deeds

Why does this happen

Why do I take myself too seriously?

How can it all just stop

I want to be a normal human being too

Often times this voice overpowers

The gentle positivity I have within me

Why can’t I be stronger

I want to be happy

Wrong?

Is it wrong to wonder

What the relief could feel like

Being five feet under

The pressure of the world takes me there

I wonder if I should just make it easier

Often time I am reminded

That we have to struggle to get somewhere

First world problems aplenty

No solution in sight

I’m not made for this plight

Sometimes

It all gets overwhelming

When I feel my heart start beating fast

That little turmoil in my stomach

An unease sets into my soul

My head feels heavy with racing thoughts

Can’t pinpoint what’s wrong

I’ve faced all these demons

Yet I succumb sometimes

I tilt sideways

My perception faces inward

Trying to mend broken fragments

Not often enough to be a diagnosis

I feel trapped

Sometimes I think

This is not the worse

It could be worse