Panic Attack 

Sinking and swirling in my gut 

I lose sight of reality 

Slipping between my consciousness 

I breathe fast 

I blink and sway 

I fear an unnamed terror 

And it has lodged itself inside me 

I am frozen solid

Unable to move

Unable to think 

I can only wait as this 

Intensity passes 

My body shivers 

And my mind is afraid 

I feel death in my soul 

Because I cannot catch my breath 

Sajdah 

And I stand in the direction of Mecca 

Praying towards the Qibla 

I stand straight and tall 

My confidence unwavering 

And I bow

My hands to my knees 

Wishing for reprieve 

From the most Merciful 

I move into sajdah 

To show my love 

My devotion to God 

I am vulnerable 

My hands beside my head 

My face down on a sigdigah 

Made of the same mud clay as I 

And as I raise up I begin 

To realize I came from the soil 

Of the Earth Created by One 

Again I move into sajdah 

I will return to whence I came from 

And as I raise my head 

I acknowledge 

I will rise on the Day of Judgment 

From my resting place 

Summoned

Silence

There is a blessed silence 

In my mind 

A smooth reprieve 

From the chaotic thoughts 

That I harbor inside

I hope that within 

This vast nothingness 

I feel 

That cracks begin to form 

Allowing the dead weeds 

To morph into 

Blooming flowers 

Unexpected Love

You saw me as clear as water

On a day I wasn’t expecting you

And your wonderful potential

Your eyes strayed from

Temptations

You ripped my facades off

You took me for my problems

You took me with my insecurity

To protect and hold

Chance Encounters

I ambled toward

the back of the room

as I always had

never missing a beat

I imagined that

your gaze had never landed

on me.

Why would this

chance encounter

be one that could

spin me on my axis

make me feel as

light as a butterfly

make me feel as

though I could fly

towards the moon?

Maybe the boy

who looked curiously on

knew my dilemmas

But alas,

I guess the clock’s

timing is misguided

because in comes

a regal Queen

who intertwines

her hand

with his.

How could I

be so foolish as

to forget?

I was the ugly duckling.

Burning Stories

There is a story
Burning in my mind
Screaming to be let
Out of its cage
Yet my pen
Does not convey
The desires I hold
Within my lonely
Soul
The books are torn
Shredded to pieces
The pages run
Like tears after mascara has run
The stories are burned
Each savior lost
Traditions mangled
As I turn my threads
To dust
Do you see the pain
You have caused
My dear by
Allowing me to
Think
To imagine
A life
A lonely existence
It is
Without you, to hold you close
My dear
As I close the book
Another fairytale is gone
I must return now
To forced reality
A dream
That will never
Come true
Love is lost.

نماز [prayer]

I pray 

That I will see the fruits of my labor 

Come to light 

I pray 

That I will find the faith 

That I have lost 

I pray 

Wishing to feel

More than pain

I pray 

for reprieve 

From my thoughts 

I pray and I pray 

My eyes  unseeing 

My heart unbelieving 

I pray 

Standing still 

My prayer is 

I hope to regain 

The faith that I’ve lost 

Silent Issues 

And I wish often 

That I could pull my own hair out 

By the frustration that is inside me 

You talk small, frivolous thoughts 

And you sit mindlessly side by side 

There is comfort, yes, 

In knowing you will have the same routine 

It’s driving me crazy 

Your love 

Makes me want to push you away 

Because you don’t see the pain 

I bring inside me everyday 

And you have such high regard for me 

Yet I believe you secretly wish 

I hadn’t made so many mistakes 

You wish me to be perfect 

You wish for me to have no flaws 

I see your desire 

Hidden inside your smiles 

And you wish me well 

And you worry a lot 

You say you’ll pray for me 

As if that will fix 

All the problems I’ve got 

And I have this 

Bittersweet pain

Inside my chest 

For I wish to revel you 

With the blackness inside my heart 

Boy Who Cried Wolf 

And I see myself in 

The boy who cried wolf 

As soon as I open my mouth 

Trying to explain the 

Madness of my thoughts 

People assume that I can’t be fixed 

People assume that it is just

My pessimism, my insecurity, my doubt 

Let me ask you then:

Where did those thoughts stem from? 

Where could I have fantasized 

Living in my own hell? 

I have problems.

We all do.

And then I’m ostracized by people 

They tell me:

The world does not revolve around you

Yes, I agree.

But can’t you see? 

The world doesn’t revolve around you 

Either.

I wish so hard to believe 

That my troubles could be cured 

By money and a shrink 

But if you can’t even let me admit 

Something is wrong 

Then how will I ever heal? 

You let me live in denial 

And suffocate in my emptiness 

Believing everything will be alright 

Like magic 

With faith and positivity 

Can’t you see? 

I’ve already lost myself

Trying to search for those concepts

Let me revel in my 

Woes 

And let me sink into 

The dark side of me 

I promise I’m not thinking like this 

To harm you

Instead I’m just trying to salvage 

Parts of me that feel enough pain 

For those are the parts that live